Positive Signs
  • HOME
  • SHOP
  • TESTIMONIALS
  • ABOUT US
  • GRIEF
  • BLOGS
  • Privacy Statement

I HAD AN OPPORTUNITY TO CONFRONT ‘THE ENEMY’ . . .

10/3/2016

4 Comments

 
Picture
By John Taylor

Years ago I was in a working relationship with a group of young men who, like myself, had dreams of taking our adventure to the highest levels possible. Unfortunately it all came crashing down when a principal person decided he wanted to separate the group and a couple of us were left stranded.

It hit me very hard, to say the least. In fact, it hit me so hard I stopped doing something I had a passion for simply because I was full of so much frustrated anger and blame towards this person, feelings I have carried for the ensuing 33 plus years. In hindsight it includes feelings of dis-empowerment: that horrible emptiness when you believe you no longer have control over the important things in your life.

And then, not so long ago, this person came back into my life in an unexpected way: asking to ‘friend’ up on social media.
 
My initial reaction was confusion. I asked myself: ‘what can I gain by spending any time interacting with this man? Why bother? Life is too short and why stir up the old grievances?

But then a strange thing happened: I recognised that, while I was definitely, absolutely still carrying anger and frustration towards this person I no longer wanted to be doing that. In fact I had a clear feeling that it was time to put it all to rest… to somehow let it out or maybe even let it go. And that felt good… as a concept anyway.

So contact was made and a dialogue began. I honestly admitted to him that I was unsure about re-connecting and he came straight back with total understanding. In fact, he told me why I should be carrying bad feelings towards him for what happened all those years ago. Whoa!

I decided to write out how I felt and send it to him. Then, if he was totally clear as to why I still carried animosity then he could decide whether or not to continue.

My first letter turned out to be full of blame. I listed all the reasons why it was all his fault and everything I ever felt about everything he had done to me. It wasn’t pretty.

Jude pointed out I’d basically written ‘hate mail’ when I ran it past her to see if I’d expressed myself clearly. Blame doesn’t work, she reminded me… try expressing your feelings instead.

Take #2 worked much better. I found myself writing feelings and how what happened all those years ago was still hanging around in me. I explained the impact it had on me rather than blaming him…. and an interesting thing happened. He responded by fully taking responsibility for who he was back then, and for everything that happened as a result of his decisions and actions at the time.

Whoa #2…

After some more back and forth he suggested we meet up - which we did –and it was a very interesting evening. I now know I have moved through all this thanks to his willingness to allow me to confront him personally as well as my own feelings. What began as a catch-up that shifted through more open honesty finally became a very pleasant reunion. After all, not only had we shared a powerful experience back in those heady days, we also found we now had more than a few things in common.

I learned that his own story is a cross-section of self-confrontation in itself, and that he survived a time where he could easily have collapsed into his own demise. Instead he worked through it all and grew to become the man who has now enabled me to deal with the after-effects of our time together.

I now feel as though a horrible weight has been lifted from my shoulders. In many ways I now feel free. Yes, what happened happened… but now I no longer find the memory of those events fills me with darkness or unresolved regret.
_________

As a learning, growing experience I can honestly recommend looking at anything that’s weighing you down as objectively as you can. Maybe seek help with that. Then see if there is something you can do to empower yourself to move through it.

And what about grudges? They’re something we carry like dead weight if we allow them to fester. And that festering can become something worse if we allow it. Revenge comes from this type of energy and revenge is a dish best served up on a movie screen for quick entertainment. I mean, too many of the world’s conflicts come from grudges and blame.

In hindsight, when I look back over those angry, confused, unresolved issues I carried over 33 years I am now thankful I have had the opportunity to confront them and move on. What I learnt is that ‘The Enemy’ isn’t always the person you harbor a grudge against, it’s the grudge itself.

Picture
Jude's Facebook Page
Picture
Join Our Mailing List
Picture
John's Illustration Site
4 Comments

Things We Learn On Airplanes

2/6/2015

0 Comments

 
Picture
by John Taylor

So, how about these ups and downs, yeah? Feeling good one day and feeling like s..t the next. A roller coaster ride.


You see, Jude’s got this bug. Melbourne is good for bugs at this time of year and the whole family has had this one to some degree. Mine took about two weeks to get fully through but it was only a few days that were really bad. It’s nothing too serious, just an uncomfortable inconvenience like most bugs that come around. During that worst bit I did the ‘right thing’ by taking it easy, staying away from people and spending as much time as I could either resting in bed or slowing down as much as I could.

But the Jude is having a harder time because she doesn’t like to stop when there is so much to do. She’s what people call ‘driven’, something I have always admired about her. For me, I have to put energy into my ‘driven’. It comes more naturally to her.

You probably notice how she does a lot of interacting on her Mum Moments Facebook page? She totally loves that stuff and is helping people whenever she can. But that kind of ‘driven’ often keeps her up late and her sleep can be a little all over the place. Having friends on the other side of the planet can do that… staying up late on social media I mean. So she’s probably a bit worn out which probably makes her a bit more vulnerable to these bugs. Not so good.

Now, I’m a great believer in appreciating that everything happens for a reason and these seasonal bugs are just another example of that. I’m thinking they are a reminder that (a) we are not invincible after all and (b) sometimes we just have to slow down and look after ourselves.

But looking after ourselves can be a challenge too, especially when there is ‘so much to do’.

Have you ever sat in an airplane and paid attention to the safety demonstrations? They say, very clearly, that we need to look after ourselves before we look after our children. Their example is we need to place our own oxygen mask on first and then help our child with theirs.

At first I thought this was around the wrong way. Shouldn’t we look after our kids and/or others first? Isn’t it selfish (or whatever) to look after ourselves when our kids and/or others are in need or in danger?

But then it became clear…

WE need to be strong so we CAN BETTER look after others

If we are weak or sick or vulnerable then how can we possible do our best to help anyone? I’m not talking car crash / airplane emergencies or anything, I’m talking the day-to-day stuff.  

So here’s Jude in bed feeling miserable with a bug saying “I have all these things to do. This is sooooo frustrating! Aaaaahhhhh!!!...”.

Me: “Stay in bed, Jude. Rest. There’s no hurry. Look after yourself.”

Jude (trying hard to smile through the coughing): “Easy for you to say.”

Me: “Think airplane emergency procedures.”

Jude (trying not to smile): “Don’t give me that airplanemergencyprocedures right now… I’m sick.”

I’m making a warm therapeutic Manuka honey drink for her now and maybe I’ll take the laptop in later. The Manuka honey is good for the bug while the laptop is good for her soul. I work on finding Jude a life-balance as part of her healing therapy.

I also make me a double black coffee and grab a muesli bar. I know that I’ll be visiting our favourite Dr Barista later for my latte therapy but, right now I figure I gotta stay strong so I can look after my girl. I found that little bit of wisdom on an airplane.

LINKS
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/Judy-Taylor-Grief-Healing-Love-Inspiration-Hope-724885690872207/ 

Twitter: 
https://twitter.com/JudyTaylor2014

Amazon Author’s page: 
http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B018LQJ5SC

Youtube: 
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPGoVDdQ3PG1YLJs4fA3QgA

Join Our Mailing List: 
http://www.positivesigns.com.au/join-mailing-list.html

Audio Visualisations: 
http://www.cdbaby.com/Artist/PositiveSigns

0 Comments

    Author

    Judy Taylor
    - Author
        MUM MOMENTS
        Journey Through Grief
    - Advocate for Self Expression
    - Writer
    - Speaker
    - Facilitator

    Picture

    John Taylor
    Picture

    Archives

    April 2019
    February 2017
    December 2016
    October 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    November 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    April 2014

    Picture

    Categories
    grief, mourning, loss, death, grieving, feelings, stress management, mum, mom, ma, mother, self awareness, self help, intuition, inner-knowing, self expression, stress, healing, holistic healing, Maeve Binchy, Marian Keyes, Monica McInerney,

    All
    After Death
    Afterlife
    Afterloss
    Airplane
    Anxiety
    Awakening
    Being Human
    Birthdays
    Blog
    Cake
    Calm
    Cavallini
    Celebrations
    Christmas
    Coffee
    Comfort Zone
    Contact
    Death
    Depression
    Disempowerment
    Disempowerment
    Dreams
    Emergency
    Families
    Family
    Fear
    Fears
    Feelings
    Festival
    Free
    Funeral
    Generosity
    George
    Good Grief
    Grief
    Grieving
    Grudge
    Grudges
    Hay House
    Healing
    Healing Tool
    Heartbreak
    Heartspace
    Herbs
    Holidays
    Hope
    Inner Child
    Intuition
    Intuitive
    John
    Journey Through Grief
    Jude
    Judy
    Kindness
    Lebanon
    Lesson
    Letters
    Letters To My Mother
    Loss
    Love
    Meditation
    Mental Health
    Mind Body Spirit
    Mindfullness
    Mom
    Mother
    Mother's Day
    Mourning
    Mum
    Mum Moments
    Nicole Kidman
    Nurturing
    Pain
    Parent Grieving
    Paris
    Prevention
    PTSD
    Random
    Robin Williams
    Season
    Self Awareness
    Self-Awareness
    Self Expression
    Selfish
    Spirit
    Stress
    Sudden Death
    Suicide
    Taylor
    Terrorism
    Terrorist
    Triggers
    Workshops
    Writing

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.