Category: Mind Body Spirit

So, Why Do I Write About My Grief?

12/4/2019

So, why do I write about my grief?

I write about my grief because it helps me process how I am feeling and to find calm on the other side of all the emotions that, at times, threaten to tear me apart.

I have learnt, if I resist my grief it completely consumes me, while if I face my grief I can process it and allow myself to embrace the good in my life as well.

By talking about grief and sharing my writing I have discovered that my stories help others as well as helping me. Over the last 8 years I have connected with people around the world who are grieving. Together we have come to recognise we are not alone.

These comments highlight how my willingness to talk and write about grief has helped others to recognise how important it is to share our stories:

“ ... Judy lives the reality that death is not the end, that love and a relationship are much stronger than death. Her heartfelt letters to her mother offer a clear insight into the power of this Love. By sharing this journey others will gain strength and confidence to grow their relationship with their loved ones.” ... Glen Lord, President - The Grief Toolbox, CEO - International Grief Institute

“Judy Taylor is a beautiful example of living from the heart, not the head. Her messages spread light around the world. What a true blessing ... I love it! Very raw and honest, Very, very powerful. I think that is what the world needs ... authenticity.” ... Lynda Cheldelin Fell, Creator - Grief Diaries, Co-Founder of International Grief Institute

“Thank you. The tears I have being trying to hide are flowing freely after reading nearly half of your beautiful book. I look forward to finding peace in writing to my mum. Thanks … it is a big help.” ... Hayley Comley

“I thoroughly enjoyed reading Mum Moments. Having lost my mum unexpectedly last November, so much of what Judy wrote really hit home. I know that I will read it multiple times as I continue my own journey through the unspeakable grief that comes from suddenly losing my mom and best friend” ... Denise Fleming

“I LOVE this book. It has helped me tremendously and continues to help me. For anyone going through grief I would highly recommend it ... It’s a long road, and I miss (my parents) so much. Sometimes there are just no words.” ... Doris Pelletier Jarvis

So let us all be part of the movement to normalise grief. It is or will be a part of life for all of us. It can be overwhelming, raw and heartbreaking. If we talk and write about it we can help soften the blow for everyone who is grieving.

Please feel welcome to share your own grief here.

Jude xoxoxo

Judy Taylor - Author of MUM MOMENTS - Journey Through Grief & HEARTSPACE - Letters To My Mother

FACEBOOK
https://www.facebook.com/JudyTaylorGriefHealingLoveInspirationHope/
TWITTER
https://twitter.com/JudyTaylor2014
YOUTUBE
https://www.youtube.com/user/TheZergo123
POSITIVE SIGNS WEBSITE
www.positivesigns.com.au
AUDIO
https://store.cdbaby.com/artist/positivesigns

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The HOLIDAY I Needed ... the HOLIDAY I Got ...

20/7/2016

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Holidays are a great place to come home to the heart.

Port Douglas for 7 days. A dream holiday to escape winter.

Yes I did it… we drew on the 'FI Account' and booked a last minute deal with only 5 sleeps till we stepped on the plane and arrived at our beautiful tropical apartment with all the comforts we needed and literally a 2 minute walk to the beach.

All I wanted to do was relax by the pool, walk along the beach, swim, read my book and share the experience with John. We were in our own pocket of Paradise; so content cooking delicious meals on the BBQ, sipping on lattes and wine and enjoying just being. We both had new books to read and the TV remained off.

On day three John was feeling exhausted and not so enthusiastic about joining me for a walk saying: "I am so glad we booked this holiday. I really needed it". By day 4 his exhaustion and lack of enthusiasm hit him hard and it was obvious a bug had set in. First some coughing, then a runny nose and finally a headache that kept getting worse and finally became a migraine. So day 4, 5 and 6 of our holiday became a wipeout for John and the dream holiday experience for us as a couple became a nightmare!

So here I was with the holiday I wanted suddenly taken away from me. A roller coaster of emotions and feelings surfaced as I observed the situation and reflected on how it all turned out to be like this.

Ah yes… the back story.

Back to the week earlier when I booked the holiday package on the Thursday and our flight was early the following Tuesday.

On the Friday night John’s band was playing and one of the band members asked John for a lift to the gig. Halfway there he told us he was really sick with a bug!!!!!! I opened my window at that point! Not impressed! The next night - Saturday - they had another gig two hours away and he had already asked John for a lift to that as well. Why take two cars all that distance? But now I said to John, "not a good idea driving all that way with him so sick. Remember we have a holiday booked next week". Though concerned, John kept to the arrangement. They spent two hours driving there and two hours driving back on Saturday night!

So now, here we are in tropical Queensland on our amazing holiday and John has come down with the bug big time! It’s only day four!!! I was so pissed off and the emotions were bursting inside of me and out of me in waves.

WHOA!!!

This was a time to embrace all my feelings and find a way to make the most of the holiday… FOR ME!!!

So I allowed myself to walk with my anger along 4 mile beach and dug deep inside to find the essence of what this experience was triggering in me. It was deep… the feelings of 'you just have to understand'… 'this is the way it is'… 'you will just have to wait'… 'this is more important'… 'your needs will have to be put on hold'…

So, in essence, my programming was getting in the way of my needs.

So what happened?

Firstly I acknowledged the situation. The holiday I wanted with John was no longer happening, that was clear.
Secondly I expressed my feelings to John reminding him of 'the back story'. I really needed to get that off my chest. That said, my man was sick so I also expressed compassion. This was no fun for him either.
Thirdly I sprinkled eucalyptus oil all round the apartment to protect myself from his bug.
Fourthly, and most importantly, I made MY now solo holiday MY priority.

Everyday I had several walks along the beach. I swam in the warm ocean, I swam in the pool, I read my book. I treated myself to lattes and brunches overlooking the water at the marina. I met some wonderful people. I laughed, I cried, I felt pissed off then I enjoyed the freedom of being me again.

Some days were sunny, some were cloudy and some were raining. All in all the perfect environment for me to be in touch with all my emotions and feelings and celebrate being me.

Day 7 was the icing on the cake. While John was still weak he was able to join me at the marina and share some of the delights I had discovered and experienced while he lay in bed. The bonus was the sun that now came shining through even though the weather bureau had forecast heavy rain and possible storms on our last day in paradise.

As I reflect now ... It was the holiday I needed.

From John’s perspective I’m not so sure he would agree it was exactly the holiday he had in mind.

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Mind Body Spirit Festival - John's POV

8/6/2015

1 Comment

SATURDAY 6th JUNE 2015 - MBS FESTIVAL DAY #1

It's mid-morning and we're up and out and heading into the Mind Body Spirit Festival at the Melbourne Exhibition Building. Today Jude is signing and promoting her ‘MUM MOMENTS – Journey Through Grief’ book on the Phoenix stand while tomorrow is her 'Writing As A Healing Tool' Presentation to a live audience. (links below)

Phoenix look after the Australian distribution of the paperback for us and sharing space with their many well known authors is a wonderful opportunity to get Jude’s book out to a whole new audience. It’s also good to be chatting to other authors on the stand and see how the whole things works.

Plus there’s an interesting look-see into the MBS Festival from behind the scenes, how tomorrow’s presentation in the Speakers Lounge is physically set up, planning everything we’ll need and generally making sure we're organised in advance. So as we spend time slowly cruising up and down and around the streets behind the venue looking for somewhere to park I’m hoping it will all be an exciting weekend.

We finally find a park, make our way inside, book in, get our ID badges and find Phoenix. They have a large stand where two busy aisles meet a busy thoroughfare with a zillion people constantly cruising past. We set up alongside other authors on their presentation table and Jude settles in. She loves this stuff and is in her element already. It begins.

While Jude is doing her thing, meeting people and discussing the ‘Mum Moments’ journey I take the chance to wander around. There are so many stalls and so many products on sale its a little overwhelming but I start sensibly by finding a good strong latte. Coffee and I agreed to get along many years ago as long as it's made by a good barista, it’s impressively strong and I limit myself to one a day. There is always some trepidation in buying from those less-permanent mobile stands but this is a nice coffee so I'm happy. Now I’m ready for anything.

Mind Body Spirit covers a lot of subjects and, as I mentioned, that’s what I find inside. There are people promoting everything from crystals to natural nougat to Chinese acupressure to whatever you can find or do for your Mind, Body and/or Spirit and pretty soon I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed.

Maybe it’s not the best decision to work my way around such a busy, closely-packed venue with fresh strong caffeine surging through my system and I need to take a break after an hour or so. The energy in there is a mish-mash of everything all happening at once and a busy-ness like a peak hour railway platform. The term ‘Controlled Franticity’ comes to mind so I add that to my computer dictionary. Maybe there’s a Wikipedia of new terms I can add it to or a Guinness Book Of Records entry for useless descriptives? Maybe not.

I check on Jude and she’s happily chatting with people at the Phoenix stand. She’s already spoken with a lot of people still grieving the loss of a loved ones and one lady who lost her mum just this last week. Jude tells me they are all so relieved to find someone who understands their grieving and who lets them know their confusions to do with the extremes of grieving are a normal part of the process.

I escape the building and regroup with a mixed curry at the Crown Casino food hall, sharing a table with 2 ladies talking about the festival and planning the rest of their weekend. It seems they are having an exciting time and can’t wait to tell Tina and Doris, whoever they are. I try hard not to eavesdrop but it’s difficult when they talk so loud, even with their mouths full. Maybe I’ll bring some earplugs tomorrow?

SUNDAY 7th JUNE 2015 - MBS FESTIVAL DAY #2
Today our son turns 23 but he's fast asleep as we get organised for day #2 and head out the door. Birthdays are well celebrated at our place but this one won't kick in as a celebration for us as a family until tonight when we get together at a very nice restaurant of Jack's choosing.

This might sound upside-down but it suits us all. Jack stays up very late every night unless he is coaching tennis in the morning and, right now, the French Open is on pay TV. For some weird reason it's a different time zone in France so his late nights have become later. And because it’s Sunday he won't surface till this afternoon when he'll relax on the couch and catch up with whatever favourite TV series he missed because of the tennis. At the ripe old age of 23 he lives a relatively uncomplicated life.

Meanwhile, back at the MBS Festival parking is a nightmare with cars cruising everywhere waiting to pounce on anyone leaving. And we thought yesterday was bad. So I drop Judy off as close as possible and start my own cruising of adjacent streets, hoping after a while to find a park before I run out of petrol. After all, its Sunday in the city, there’s a massive festival on and I only have a full tank. Tricky. And surely someone is leaving soon? No..?.. how about later? Tonight? Tomorrow?...

By the time I’ve parked in the next state and caught a plane flight back.... ha ha, just kidding... though the space I finally found is about ten times further away than yesterday. It's a good thing I only have to drag my heavy cabin-luggage bag full of stuff, yeah?

Now, today we come equipped with extra copies of the book, extra business cards and more 'Join Our Mailing List' forms we ran out of yesterday. The book is attracting a range of people, many who are carrying issues to do with unresolved grief and Jude is offering hugs to those in need. Jude is giving a lot of hugs.

It's another reminder that grief is a powerful emotional force to be reckoned with and so many of us carry confusions and guilt around it. I mean, how many rules do there seem to be about grieving anyway?

Which is very sad, when you think about it. Everyone experiences grief, it is a normal part of life because 'life' here in this physical world means living AND dying. Death is inevitable for us all and everyone we know. But our western logic sometimes isn’t very logical and those 'rules' get in the way. How to grieve... how not to grieve...

Time passes, suddenly it's 'coffee time' and I decide to see if the same 'mobile cafe' I went to yesterday can do it again. It can, so I take that as a positive sign and head back across to the Casino food hall for my lunch as well. Life is good.

The day goes quickly. We send a selfie to our boy with a big happy birthday and check in with our daughter who is in the middle of cramming for her university exams. I take a moment to reflect on where I was and what I was doing this day 23 years ago when Jack was born. Time flies, yeah?

Many of Jude’s Facebook friends from Melbourne pop in over the weekend. With her Mum Moments page closing in on 6000 likes despite Facebook continually dropping people off for some reason she knows so many more people than this time last year and the festival is a wonderful opportunity for everyone to catch up. I take a few more photos for this blog and give Jude a break on the stand where I also get to learn about the other books and cards Phoenix's other authors are presenting. Life is an exciting learning opportunity despite the sore feet and tiredness closing in on me by later afternoon and I’m hoping Jude's stamina holds up for her presentation. 3 days ago she was in bed with the flu.

Jude’s ‘Writing As A Healing Tool’ presentation goes really well. Being scheduled at the end of the day on a Sunday there was always the chance she’d be talking to the cleaners but the seats are filled with an assortment of friendly faces and everyone pays attention. I sit mid-way back with Jude’s I-pad to shoot the video we have up on our Youtube page and settle in for the next three quarters of an hour.

And please feel free to remind me to get a proper tripod next time as my arms start to feel uncomfortable after about five minutes and get a little wobbly not long after that. Jude, too, has a dinky knee and our doctor/sport physio guru has her under orders to not stand longer than fifteen minutes at a time whenever possible. Good thing it’s only a 45 min presentation. Ha ha…. oops…

The thought that we both might fall apart at any moment strikes me as funny so I try zooming in the video image to distract myself. I don’t have an I-Pad but the video controls turn out to be pretty easy. Maybe Apple could somehow build a tripod into the design?

END BIT
By the time we're heading back to the car we're still feeling good. Earlier this afternoon I had to walk back to where I parked this morning to grab another box of books and took the opportunity to find somewhere closer so we don’t have to go far now. Jude’s knee is holding up and my arms survived the video-ing and we share a sense of a job well done.

We battle the evening traffic, meet up with the kids at Jack’s restaurant of choice and celebrate our boy’s birthday in style. The food is excellent and the company perfect. Plus, as a final positive to end the day, the restaurant owner commented to Jude as we were leaving that he thought our kids must be boyfriend-girlfriend because they got on so well. He said they chatted so easily and obviously enjoyed each other’s company while waiting for us to arrive. Life is good.

(Link to MBS 'Writing As A Healing Tool' video highlights)

LINKS
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/Judy-Taylor-Grief-Healing-Love-Inspiration-Hope-724885690872207/
Twitter:
https://twitter.com/JudyTaylor2014
Amazon Author’s page:
http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B018LQJ5SC
Youtube:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPGoVDdQ3PG1YLJs4fA3QgA
Join Our Mailing List:
http://www.positivesigns.com.au/join-mailing-list.html
Audio Visualisations:
http://www.cdbaby.com/Artist/PositiveSigns

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So, Why Do I Write About My Grief?

The HOLIDAY I Needed ... the HOLIDAY I Got ...

Mind Body Spirit Festival - John's POV

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Categories
grief, mourning, loss, death, grieving, feelings, stress management, mum, mom, ma, mother, self awareness, self help, intuition, inner-knowing, self expression, stress, healing, holistic healing, Maeve Binchy, Marian Keyes, Monica McInerney,

So, Why Do I Write About My Grief?

The HOLIDAY I Needed ... the HOLIDAY I Got ...

Mind Body Spirit Festival - John's POV

Author

Archives

Categoriesgrief, mourning, loss, death, grieving, feelings, stress management, mum, mom, ma, mother, self awareness, self help, intuition, inner-knowing, self expression, stress, healing, holistic healing, Maeve Binchy, Marian Keyes, Monica McInerney,

Categories
grief, mourning, loss, death, grieving, feelings, stress management, mum, mom, ma, mother, self awareness, self help, intuition, inner-knowing, self expression, stress, healing, holistic healing, Maeve Binchy, Marian Keyes, Monica McInerney,