Category: Letters

So, Why Do I Write About My Grief?

12/4/2019

So, why do I write about my grief?

I write about my grief because it helps me process how I am feeling and to find calm on the other side of all the emotions that, at times, threaten to tear me apart.

I have learnt, if I resist my grief it completely consumes me, while if I face my grief I can process it and allow myself to embrace the good in my life as well.

By talking about grief and sharing my writing I have discovered that my stories help others as well as helping me. Over the last 8 years I have connected with people around the world who are grieving. Together we have come to recognise we are not alone.

These comments highlight how my willingness to talk and write about grief has helped others to recognise how important it is to share our stories:

“ ... Judy lives the reality that death is not the end, that love and a relationship are much stronger than death. Her heartfelt letters to her mother offer a clear insight into the power of this Love. By sharing this journey others will gain strength and confidence to grow their relationship with their loved ones.” ... Glen Lord, President - The Grief Toolbox, CEO - International Grief Institute

“Judy Taylor is a beautiful example of living from the heart, not the head. Her messages spread light around the world. What a true blessing ... I love it! Very raw and honest, Very, very powerful. I think that is what the world needs ... authenticity.” ... Lynda Cheldelin Fell, Creator - Grief Diaries, Co-Founder of International Grief Institute

“Thank you. The tears I have being trying to hide are flowing freely after reading nearly half of your beautiful book. I look forward to finding peace in writing to my mum. Thanks … it is a big help.” ... Hayley Comley

“I thoroughly enjoyed reading Mum Moments. Having lost my mum unexpectedly last November, so much of what Judy wrote really hit home. I know that I will read it multiple times as I continue my own journey through the unspeakable grief that comes from suddenly losing my mom and best friend” ... Denise Fleming

“I LOVE this book. It has helped me tremendously and continues to help me. For anyone going through grief I would highly recommend it ... It’s a long road, and I miss (my parents) so much. Sometimes there are just no words.” ... Doris Pelletier Jarvis

So let us all be part of the movement to normalise grief. It is or will be a part of life for all of us. It can be overwhelming, raw and heartbreaking. If we talk and write about it we can help soften the blow for everyone who is grieving.

Please feel welcome to share your own grief here.

Jude xoxoxo

Judy Taylor - Author of MUM MOMENTS - Journey Through Grief & HEARTSPACE - Letters To My Mother

FACEBOOK
https://www.facebook.com/JudyTaylorGriefHealingLoveInspirationHope/
TWITTER
https://twitter.com/JudyTaylor2014
YOUTUBE
https://www.youtube.com/user/TheZergo123
POSITIVE SIGNS WEBSITE
www.positivesigns.com.au
AUDIO
https://store.cdbaby.com/artist/positivesigns

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I HAD AN OPPORTUNITY TO CONFRONT ‘THE ENEMY’ . . .

10/3/2016

4 Comments

By John Taylor

Years ago I was in a working relationship with a group of young men who, like myself, had dreams of taking our adventure to the highest levels possible. Unfortunately it all came crashing down when a principal person decided he wanted to separate the group and a couple of us were left stranded.

It hit me very hard, to say the least. In fact, it hit me so hard I stopped doing something I had a passion for simply because I was full of so much frustrated anger and blame towards this person, feelings I have carried for the ensuing 33 plus years. In hindsight it includes feelings of dis-empowerment: that horrible emptiness when you believe you no longer have control over the important things in your life.

And then, not so long ago, this person came back into my life in an unexpected way: asking to ‘friend’ up on social media.

My initial reaction was confusion. I asked myself: ‘what can I gain by spending any time interacting with this man? Why bother? Life is too short and why stir up the old grievances?

But then a strange thing happened: I recognised that, while I was definitely, absolutely still carrying anger and frustration towards this person I no longer wanted to be doing that. In fact I had a clear feeling that it was time to put it all to rest… to somehow let it out or maybe even let it go. And that felt good… as a concept anyway.

So contact was made and a dialogue began. I honestly admitted to him that I was unsure about re-connecting and he came straight back with total understanding. In fact, he told me why I should be carrying bad feelings towards him for what happened all those years ago. Whoa!

I decided to write out how I felt and send it to him. Then, if he was totally clear as to why I still carried animosity then he could decide whether or not to continue.

My first letter turned out to be full of blame. I listed all the reasons why it was all his fault and everything I ever felt about everything he had done to me. It wasn’t pretty.

Jude pointed out I’d basically written ‘hate mail’ when I ran it past her to see if I’d expressed myself clearly. Blame doesn’t work, she reminded me… try expressing your feelings instead.

Take #2 worked much better. I found myself writing feelings and how what happened all those years ago was still hanging around in me. I explained the impact it had on me rather than blaming him…. and an interesting thing happened. He responded by fully taking responsibility for who he was back then, and for everything that happened as a result of his decisions and actions at the time.

Whoa #2…

After some more back and forth he suggested we meet up - which we did –and it was a very interesting evening. I now know I have moved through all this thanks to his willingness to allow me to confront him personally as well as my own feelings. What began as a catch-up that shifted through more open honesty finally became a very pleasant reunion. After all, not only had we shared a powerful experience back in those heady days, we also found we now had more than a few things in common.

I learned that his own story is a cross-section of self-confrontation in itself, and that he survived a time where he could easily have collapsed into his own demise. Instead he worked through it all and grew to become the man who has now enabled me to deal with the after-effects of our time together.

I now feel as though a horrible weight has been lifted from my shoulders. In many ways I now feel free. Yes, what happened happened… but now I no longer find the memory of those events fills me with darkness or unresolved regret.
_________

As a learning, growing experience I can honestly recommend looking at anything that’s weighing you down as objectively as you can. Maybe seek help with that. Then see if there is something you can do to empower yourself to move through it.

And what about grudges? They’re something we carry like dead weight if we allow them to fester. And that festering can become something worse if we allow it. Revenge comes from this type of energy and revenge is a dish best served up on a movie screen for quick entertainment. I mean, too many of the world’s conflicts come from grudges and blame.

In hindsight, when I look back over those angry, confused, unresolved issues I carried over 33 years I am now thankful I have had the opportunity to confront them and move on. What I learnt is that ‘The Enemy’ isn’t always the person you harbor a grudge against, it’s the grudge itself.

Jude's Facebook Page

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John's Illustration Site

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Stuck In Childhood Perceptions . . .

4/3/2016

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Two and a half weeks ago I was living my mission one step at a time. The essence of me was shining brightly. I felt good. I felt challenged. I felt willing to continue on my pathway guided by my intuition.

And then ... for the last two weeks I've been stuck in my childhood perceptions of 'who I am' completely depleted of the 'inner knowing of the love that I am'.

I was triggered by a comment made by another person in my birth family about me. This trigger was so, so deep it penetrated way beyond the surface of the ‘me’ that loves and accepts me as I am and delved into the deep dark corners of blame, fault, fear and more.

My sense of self, my sense of knowing, my sense of ‘me’ fell apart as I allowed this dark vision of myself to present as I desperately attempted to push it away.

It was devastating. I was devastated and I felt the deep, deep helplessness of 'there is no way out' … 'there is no resolution' … 'there is just pain and suffering' …

I so, so wanted to fix this, just as I have wanted to fix this since I was a young child.

So, during this time I have been overwhelmed with emotions. I have sobbed my heart out. My solar plexus which is the energy centre for self love and self nurturing felt like it had completely collapsed and I felt like I didn't even want to get out of bed. I even felt like I just wanted to run away from it all.

In this time I have also taken steps each day to nurture myself even when I didn't feel like it. I got out of bed, I went for a walk, I went to the gym, I meditated. I wrote through the pain. I kept going gently one step at a time even when I didn't feel like it.

Then, this morning I turned the corner and came home to my heart.

The most powerful thing I did was I cared for ‘me’ throughout this time. I cared for and loved the 'inner child’ who was sobbing for her life … the little girl who was lost and alone and felt like no one understood her … the little girl who ‘didn't fit in' … the little girl ‘who just knew' … and through it all I found my little girl has grown into a radiant compassionate loving woman who knows how to find her way home to the love in her heart, and then share her wisdom and experience to help others.

When I look back I see I have spent a lifetime learning, making great choices, making mistakes, falling apart, healing myself and healing others. I am a sensitive intuitive just born to be ‘me’.

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8,000 reasons for me to get up everyday ...

26/1/2016

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I've been sharing my story on Facebook now for nearly two years to help others who are grieving for the loss of a loved one. My page has now passed 8,000 likes and that makes it worth getting up every single day.

Why you say?

It’s about the people behind the likes and how my page helps them.

It all began with my first book: ‘MUM MOMENTS – Journey Through Grief’. On my Facebook page I shared excerpts from my grief journals and invited others to share their thoughts and feelings. Those who read my words said “I gave them permission to feel” and helped them realise they were not alone. Knowing my words supported others in their grieving process is heart warming.

Now, with the launch of my second book, ‘HEARTSPACE – Letters To My Mother’ the journey continues. Through writing I express and share my feelings with my mother just as I did in our conversations when she was alive. This has allowed our relationship to grow and unfold in ways I could never have imagined.

My readers discover that ‘Love Transcends Death’ and there are many ways to stay connected with our loved ones. They are given the opportunity to explore how they can stay connected too

This is what readers have to say about ‘HEARTSPACE – Letters To My Mother’:

“Jude’s writing is directly from the heart. Her new book, ‘HEARTSPACE – Letters To My Mother’ is full of raw emotion, honesty and vulnerability. Jude gives us all permission to fully connect with, embrace and express all aspects of loss, grief and coming to terms with losing a loved one.
Her first book has touched lives around the world and I have no doubt that this will do the same.”
Alison Burton, Director - Simply Natural Therapies

“… Judy lives the reality that death is not the end, that love and a relationship are much stronger than death. Her heartfelt letters to her mother offer a clear insight into the power of this Love. By sharing this journey others will gain strength and confidence to grow their relationship with their loved ones.”
Glen Lord, President - The Grief Toolbox, President - Compassionate Friends USA

“Judy Taylor is a beautiful example of living from the heart, not the head. Her messages spread light around the world. What a true blessing … I love it! Very raw and honest. Very, very powerful. I think that is what the world needs....authenticity.”
Lynda Cheldelin Fell, President - National Grief & Hope Coalition, Creator – Grief Diaries

“… The focus is less on dwelling on loss and more on living a full and meaningful life. Lessons we learn from our deceased loved ones are priceless in showing us how to live in the moment and be truly present. It's to Judy's credit that she opens her heart so that we can heal ours.”
Rose Inserra, Best Selling author - ‘Dictionary of Dreams’

“’HEARTSPACE – Letters To My Mother’ reveals that, through letter-writing to a loved one our heartfelt emotions can be expressed in a healthy and healing way. It beautifully shows that our connections never have to end and our relationships can become eve closer.”
Christine Duminiak, Certified Grief Recovery Specialist & Author – ‘Grammy Visits From Heaven’

What readers say about ‘MUM MOMENTS - Journey Through Grief” (2014)

“I highly recommend it!! Just finished it last night! Amazing and touching!”
Robin Winsor

“I love your story and your true honesty and rawness. It speaks deep within from your soul.”
Angela Cartwright (President National Grief Awareness)

“… I bought this book on Amazon and loved it so much that I bought the hard copy too - it really helped me after losing my dad and I passed it onto my mum who has said it has greatly helped her too. I can't recommend this book highly enough for anyone who has lost a loved one.”
Trudy Brookes - Rainbow Rays Reiki

“I LOVE this book it has helped me tremendously and continues to help me. For anyone going through grief I would highly recommend it… It's a long road, and I miss (my parents) so much. Sometimes there are just no words”
Doris Pelletier Jarvis

“I have just been reading your book and so many things you write hit home. I lost my mum suddenly last year (she was 62) she died unexpectedly … I never got to say goodbye to her… Thank you for your journey and sharing it with others, Judy”
Sara Amos

“I was at Judy Taylor's Mum Moments book launch last year… I lost my mum just on 12 months ago. I only just recently picked up Jude's book to read. I laughed, cried and could relate to her story in so many ways… I am blessed to have met you and share your journey. You are an inspiration…”
Annalisa Seville

“Thank you the tears I have being trying to hide are flowing freely after reading nearly half of your beautiful book I look forward to finding peace in writing to my mum thanks it is a big help xx”
Hayley Comley

“Jude, while reading your book I feel so connected with my Mom. Spirituality lifted… Truly Amazing! Thank you for sharing your Journey!.. Just what I need! God Bless XO”
Erin Piotroski-Olshefski

“I thoroughly enjoyed reading Mum Moments. Having lost my mom unexpectedly last November, so much of what Judy wrote really hit home. I know that I will read it multiple times as I continue on my own journey through the unspeakable grief that comes from suddenly losing my mom and best friend.”
Denise Fleming (Kindle edition)

About The Author:

Judy Taylor is from Melbourne, Australia. She is a mother, sister, daughter, facilitator, speaker, author and an advocate for self-expression.

Following a successful sales and marketing background Judy embraced a more holistic approach to life following the birth of her children and found a new and satisfying direction in holistic healing. Judy became passionate about helping others embrace their feelings, get to better know themselves and make choices to produce more positive outcomes in their lives .

Judy was tested when her mother died suddenly in February 2011. To deal with her grief she began writing her thoughts and feelings down which provided her with personal comfort and support. She soon found friends and colleagues were touched by her words and was encouraged to share her writings to help others. This led to the self-publication of both her books.

Now, as a successful author, social media facilitator and speaker, Judy has found her niche helping others deal with their own grief and grieving processes.

Links:
www.positivesigns.com.au
http://www.positivesigns.com.au/books.html https://www.facebook.com/Judy-Taylor-Grief-Healing-Love-Inspiration-Hope-724885690872207/
https://youtu.be/7jQFokkzGLE
https://www.youtube.com/user/TheZergo123
https://www.amazon.com/author/judytaylor

‘HEARTSPACE – Letters To My Mother’
ISBN - Paperback: 978-0-9924900-4-1
ISBN – Ebook: 978-0-9924900-3-4

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Write It Out... Get It Out...

7/1/2016

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Okay ... I was caught up in some grief a friend is experiencing right now and somehow our conversation about something unrelated triggered responses that left us both feeling awful, like wounded children.

It became clear to me I needed to step out and go for a walk. I listened to my inner voice guiding me and went for that walk.

I began sobbing and sat down and wrote down exactly how I was feeling and by the time I had finished I felt a sense of calm.

Being human means we often have unresolved pain wounds which can be triggered by all sorts of things. In my experience they can be triggered in conversations that are often not directly related to the pain. I have found that stepping away from conversations with others at these times and listening to my inner voice, or writing my feelings down helps me gain an understanding of myself and what is happening with me. Writing is a powerful healing tool.

The added bonus from me getting to know myself and being more self aware is that sometimes I can recognise when others are triggered too. At these times I can often respond to them with compassion rather than reacting to my own issues. Sometimes I do this well… other times not.

My life is a work in progress where I do the best I can to live in the moment.

My wish is by sharing both my vulnerabilities and my strengths that I will help others to embrace their own personal healing journey.

Thank you for being here.