Category: Feelings

To Everyone Separated From a Loved One or Family at Easter

16/4/2019

To everyone separated from a loved one or family at Easter,

I know how hard it is to step into Celebrations at any time of year if you have a loved one that has died or if you are estranged from family.
The loss is deep.
The loss is heartbreaking.
It feels overwhelming.
It feels so sad.
The pain is so deep.
You just want to run away from it but you can’t.
You take it wherever you go.

I know this because I’m living it.

So what do I do?
I write about it.
I talk about it.
I give myself the space to acknowledge the pain and hurt.
I let the tears flow until they are spent and somehow I find myself coming out from the other side of the heartbreak.

Then I do things that support me.
I go for walks, I meditate.
I spend time with people I love.
I do things that bring joy to my heart.

So I just wanted to let you know that joy and sadness can coexist.

Jude xoxoxo

Author: 'Mum Moments - Journey Through grief' & 'Heartspace - Letters To My Mother'

LINKS

FACEBOOK
https://www.facebook.com/JudyTaylorGriefHealingLoveInspirationHope/

TWITTER
https://twitter.com/JudyTaylor2014

YOUTUBE
https://www.youtube.com/user/TheZergo123

PS WEBSITE
www.positivesigns.com.au

AUDIO
https://store.cdbaby.com/artist/positivesigns

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So, Why Do I Write About My Grief?

12/4/2019

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So, why do I write about my grief?

I write about my grief because it helps me process how I am feeling and to find calm on the other side of all the emotions that, at times, threaten to tear me apart.

I have learnt, if I resist my grief it completely consumes me, while if I face my grief I can process it and allow myself to embrace the good in my life as well.

By talking about grief and sharing my writing I have discovered that my stories help others as well as helping me. Over the last 8 years I have connected with people around the world who are grieving. Together we have come to recognise we are not alone.

These comments highlight how my willingness to talk and write about grief has helped others to recognise how important it is to share our stories:

“ ... Judy lives the reality that death is not the end, that love and a relationship are much stronger than death. Her heartfelt letters to her mother offer a clear insight into the power of this Love. By sharing this journey others will gain strength and confidence to grow their relationship with their loved ones.” ... Glen Lord, President - The Grief Toolbox, CEO - International Grief Institute

“Judy Taylor is a beautiful example of living from the heart, not the head. Her messages spread light around the world. What a true blessing ... I love it! Very raw and honest, Very, very powerful. I think that is what the world needs ... authenticity.” ... Lynda Cheldelin Fell, Creator - Grief Diaries, Co-Founder of International Grief Institute

“Thank you. The tears I have being trying to hide are flowing freely after reading nearly half of your beautiful book. I look forward to finding peace in writing to my mum. Thanks … it is a big help.” ... Hayley Comley

“I thoroughly enjoyed reading Mum Moments. Having lost my mum unexpectedly last November, so much of what Judy wrote really hit home. I know that I will read it multiple times as I continue my own journey through the unspeakable grief that comes from suddenly losing my mom and best friend” ... Denise Fleming

“I LOVE this book. It has helped me tremendously and continues to help me. For anyone going through grief I would highly recommend it ... It’s a long road, and I miss (my parents) so much. Sometimes there are just no words.” ... Doris Pelletier Jarvis

So let us all be part of the movement to normalise grief. It is or will be a part of life for all of us. It can be overwhelming, raw and heartbreaking. If we talk and write about it we can help soften the blow for everyone who is grieving.

Please feel welcome to share your own grief here.

Jude xoxoxo

Judy Taylor - Author of MUM MOMENTS - Journey Through Grief & HEARTSPACE - Letters To My Mother

FACEBOOK
https://www.facebook.com/JudyTaylorGriefHealingLoveInspirationHope/
TWITTER
https://twitter.com/JudyTaylor2014
YOUTUBE
https://www.youtube.com/user/TheZergo123
POSITIVE SIGNS WEBSITE
www.positivesigns.com.au
AUDIO
https://store.cdbaby.com/artist/positivesigns

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A Different Kind Of Grief

1/2/2017

4 Comments

by Judy Taylor

I'm grieving.

It's a different type of grief to my mother’s sudden death.

This grief is profound. This is grieving for the living. This is grieving for a relationship where the reality is, ‘there is no resolution’.

This grief requires me digging deep to find acceptance, love, compassion and understanding for myself in a situation that is beyond repair. Some days, some times, I can do this. However, at other times and on other days I find it difficult or even impossible.

So, on my good days I meditate, I walk, I talk, I write, I hug, I observe my emotions and feelings, and I make choices for the benefit of my highest good and the highest good of all concerned. On my bad days I sob my heart out for the experience I am going through. I ache for a resolution that is not possible. I ask for understanding and support from those close to me, and I do the same things that I do on my good days … if I can.

In my own personal experience I know:
- There is no recipe for grieving.
- In any given moment the feelings come and go.
- Live in the moment.

Whatever you are grieving for, grief can take you completely by surprise. Taking time to recognise and acknowledge you are grieving, then observing your emotions and feelings, will empower you to make the best choice for you in any circumstance.

Self-awareness is your greatest gift when you are grieving because it allows you to help yourself.
Self-awareness also guides you when it's is time to reach out and ask for help.
Listen to your inner guidance and you will know.

May love, light and healing present in your life every day.

Jude xoxoxo

PS: At the end of writing this I sat here with the feeling: "I am so proud of myself" … and I am. I believe facing ‘all of me’, both the light and dark side, is one of the most empowering things I will ever do in my life.

Thank you to my husband John, my kids and my close friends who have supported me when I needed it most.

LINKS

Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/Judy-Taylor-Grief-Healing-Love-Inspiration-Hope-724885690872207/
Twitter:
https://twitter.com/JudyTaylor2014
Amazon Author’s page:
http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B018LQJ5SC
Youtube:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPGoVDdQ3PG1YLJs4fA3QgA
Join Our Mailing List:
http://www.positivesigns.com.au/join-mailing-list.html
Audio Visualisations:
http://www.cdbaby.com/Artist/PositiveSigns

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Love Is The Answer

11/12/2016

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Love is the answer

Many people throughout my life have told me they loved me. To them I say, “thank you”.

However, there is one person that is more important than all these people, one person I really need to love me… and that person is me.

You see, I know Jude intimately. I know her strengths and weaknesses, I know her joys and her laughters… and I also know her pain and her suffering.

I know that when I accept Jude as she is, all of her, and love her just the way she is, that I am experiencing a true love.

I know when I feel love deep inside of me and allow the love to support me every step of the way, that I will accept Love as the truth of who I am.

With this knowing I often say to people, “do you feel loved?” as an alternative to, “I love you”, because I know that if someone says to me, “I love you”, but I am not feeling much self-love at the time, then it’s difficult to believe them.

So, take a moment to embrace my thoughts. Then, if they resonate for you, practice loving yourself… all of you… the whole package … warts and all… and notice the effect this has on your life.

Love really is the answer.

Jude xoxoxo

by Judy Taylor

LINKS
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/Judy-Taylor-Grief-Healing-Love-Inspiration-Hope-724885690872207/
Twitter:
https://twitter.com/JudyTaylor2014
Amazon Author’s page:
http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B018LQJ5SC
Youtube:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPGoVDdQ3PG1YLJs4fA3QgA
Join Our Mailing List:
http://www.positivesigns.com.au/join-mailing-list.html
Audio Visualisations:
http://www.cdbaby.com/Artist/PositiveSigns

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Triggered by Suicide

5/10/2016

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by Judy Taylor

Today my writing is triggered by the word 'Suicide'.

When I was a little girl I used to think: "if I die, they will be sorry".

Now I'm 61 I know that: “if I die, I will be the one being sorry”.

I have so much love in my heart to share with the world.

My life has been a roller coaster of emotions and I wear my heart on my sleeve. This has made my life particularly challenging and at times completely overwhelmed me.

I have come to accept me more and more over recent times and recognise many people will have their emotions triggered by my raw and honest sharing. I also know that my sharing will help many on their own personal journey.

So I will write, I will share, I will wear my heart on my sleeve because maybe, just maybe my words will trigger your emotions.

Just maybe my words will give you hope.

Maybe you will recognise that, through the trials and tribulations of life, that YOU are Love and 'Life is worth living'.

I hope so.

Jude xoxoxo

LINKS
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/Judy-Taylor-Grief-Healing-Love-Inspiration-Hope-724885690872207/
Twitter:
https://twitter.com/JudyTaylor2014
Amazon Author’s page:
http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B018LQJ5SC
Youtube:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPGoVDdQ3PG1YLJs4fA3QgA
Join Our Mailing List:
http://www.positivesigns.com.au/join-mailing-list.html
Audio Visualisations:
http://www.cdbaby.com/Artist/PositiveSigns

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Another birthday ... This journey is not easy ...

26/8/2016

2 Comments

So I sit here and contemplate another birthday with my mum in spirit.

I have developed a beautiful relationship with her which truly transcends life on earth. We talk, we chat and signs present everywhere which have helped me to know our relationship is strong and lives forever.

Yet I still long at times for her physical presence, I still long for her to walk up the pathway and for her to be here and hug me when I need one.

It is strange at times for it to be like this. Yes, we have such a wonderful relationship yet I still ache for her to physically be here with me.

She has taught me so much since she transitioned to her new life, a life I can only imagine. She has helped me embrace the frailties of being human, to express myself fully which has enriched my life as it is now, to embrace the confusions and perceptions I always just accepted, and to get to know myself as a more whole and beautiful person.

In some ways it is like her death has re-birthed me and I have become a child again. It’s like my sensitivities and awareness have opened my heart allowing me to express myself more fully.

This has been oh so hard in many ways because I had been living my life based on perceptions of me I had embraced as a toddler and child, and then continued to embrace as a teenager and young adult which manifested into me as an adult.

My relationship with myself and others throughout my life has been based on these perceptions, and in all honesty I'm standing right here right now saying these perceptions are not true. These perceptions are false and as I get to know me better I can honestly say that I am Love… and that is all that really matters.

I have sat with my own pain and suffering and sobbed my heart out so many times. I know I will be doing all that again. What I have found each time I have gone inside of me and sobbed through my pain is that Love is always waiting on the other side of my tears.

I am so proud of me. This journey is not easy. However, I know it is the only way for me, and I know my mum is right there beside me encouraging me every step of the way.

Thank you mum. I'm right here too and together we walk the path of Love.

Jude xoxoxo

LINKS:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Judy-Taylor-Grief-Healing-Love-Inspiration-Hope-724885690872207/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/JudyTaylor2014
Amazon Author’s page: http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B018LQJ5SC
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPGoVDdQ3PG1YLJs4fA3QgA
Join Our Mailing List: http://www.positivesigns.com.au/join-mailing-list.html
Audio Visualisations: http://www.cdbaby.com/Artist/PositiveSigns

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The HOLIDAY I Needed ... the HOLIDAY I Got ...

20/7/2016

1 Comment

Holidays are a great place to come home to the heart.

Port Douglas for 7 days. A dream holiday to escape winter.

Yes I did it… we drew on the 'FI Account' and booked a last minute deal with only 5 sleeps till we stepped on the plane and arrived at our beautiful tropical apartment with all the comforts we needed and literally a 2 minute walk to the beach.

All I wanted to do was relax by the pool, walk along the beach, swim, read my book and share the experience with John. We were in our own pocket of Paradise; so content cooking delicious meals on the BBQ, sipping on lattes and wine and enjoying just being. We both had new books to read and the TV remained off.

On day three John was feeling exhausted and not so enthusiastic about joining me for a walk saying: "I am so glad we booked this holiday. I really needed it". By day 4 his exhaustion and lack of enthusiasm hit him hard and it was obvious a bug had set in. First some coughing, then a runny nose and finally a headache that kept getting worse and finally became a migraine. So day 4, 5 and 6 of our holiday became a wipeout for John and the dream holiday experience for us as a couple became a nightmare!

So here I was with the holiday I wanted suddenly taken away from me. A roller coaster of emotions and feelings surfaced as I observed the situation and reflected on how it all turned out to be like this.

Ah yes… the back story.

Back to the week earlier when I booked the holiday package on the Thursday and our flight was early the following Tuesday.

On the Friday night John’s band was playing and one of the band members asked John for a lift to the gig. Halfway there he told us he was really sick with a bug!!!!!! I opened my window at that point! Not impressed! The next night - Saturday - they had another gig two hours away and he had already asked John for a lift to that as well. Why take two cars all that distance? But now I said to John, "not a good idea driving all that way with him so sick. Remember we have a holiday booked next week". Though concerned, John kept to the arrangement. They spent two hours driving there and two hours driving back on Saturday night!

So now, here we are in tropical Queensland on our amazing holiday and John has come down with the bug big time! It’s only day four!!! I was so pissed off and the emotions were bursting inside of me and out of me in waves.

WHOA!!!

This was a time to embrace all my feelings and find a way to make the most of the holiday… FOR ME!!!

So I allowed myself to walk with my anger along 4 mile beach and dug deep inside to find the essence of what this experience was triggering in me. It was deep… the feelings of 'you just have to understand'… 'this is the way it is'… 'you will just have to wait'… 'this is more important'… 'your needs will have to be put on hold'…

So, in essence, my programming was getting in the way of my needs.

So what happened?

Firstly I acknowledged the situation. The holiday I wanted with John was no longer happening, that was clear.
Secondly I expressed my feelings to John reminding him of 'the back story'. I really needed to get that off my chest. That said, my man was sick so I also expressed compassion. This was no fun for him either.
Thirdly I sprinkled eucalyptus oil all round the apartment to protect myself from his bug.
Fourthly, and most importantly, I made MY now solo holiday MY priority.

Everyday I had several walks along the beach. I swam in the warm ocean, I swam in the pool, I read my book. I treated myself to lattes and brunches overlooking the water at the marina. I met some wonderful people. I laughed, I cried, I felt pissed off then I enjoyed the freedom of being me again.

Some days were sunny, some were cloudy and some were raining. All in all the perfect environment for me to be in touch with all my emotions and feelings and celebrate being me.

Day 7 was the icing on the cake. While John was still weak he was able to join me at the marina and share some of the delights I had discovered and experienced while he lay in bed. The bonus was the sun that now came shining through even though the weather bureau had forecast heavy rain and possible storms on our last day in paradise.

As I reflect now ... It was the holiday I needed.

From John’s perspective I’m not so sure he would agree it was exactly the holiday he had in mind.

1 Comment

I Miss My Mum Today

3/7/2016

0 Comments

Okay ... Today is one of those days when "I miss my mum". Can you relate?

Late last night my 94 year old mother-in-law was taken by ambulance from her nursing home to hospital with pneumonia.

In simple terms she is fragile and life is day by day. In reality life is day by day for us all. There are many twists and turns in life and I know the best I can do is value each moment.

As I write I am reminded of a favourite saying of mine: "I ask for help and guidance as I continue to follow the pathway for the benefit of my highest good and the highest good of all concerned" - author unknown.

So tonight I will burn a candle and wish for the best outcome without knowing just what that is.

May love sustain us all through our day to day living.

Jude xoxoxo

_________________

LINKS
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Judy-Taylor-Grief-Healing-Love-Inspiration-Hope-724885690872207/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/JudyTaylor2014
Amazon Author’s page: http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B018LQJ5SC
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPGoVDdQ3PG1YLJs4fA3QgA
Join Our Mailing List: http://www.positivesigns.com.au/join-mailing-list.html

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My Mother Collapsed Yesterday And The Doctor Was Called – by John Taylor

3/7/2016

2 Comments

My mother collapsed yesterday and the doctor was called. She lives in a retirement village in Sydney and I live in Melbourne. My sister rang with the news and provided updates as the doctor decided hospital was a good idea and an ambulance was called.

Pneumonia in her right lung is the diagnosis with assurances she is in good hands. My sister is keeping tabs on everything.

Its moments like this when reality sweeps in and bites you on the bum. While my mum doesn’t have a lot to say about much of anything she is still my mother, the woman who raised three children and looked after us as best she could. The fact she herself is the result of an over domineering father and a soft pampered mother who couldn’t cope with raising her own two kids resulted in my mother lacking a confidence in her own abilities so much of the time. She admitted once that she used to go back to bed at one time when the last of us was finally out the door and off to school.

I think I’m reminiscing here because my mother’s mortality is suddenly in my face. She’s 94 and I thought I was prepared for whatever might suddenly happen with her but yesterday’s call shows I was wrong. As John Lennon sings, ‘you don’t know what you got until you lose it’. My mum is still hanging in there but the fact she is no longer invincible is more real this morning than it was 24 hours ago. And I feel a fear with that now.
She’s my mother... the woman I instinctively turned to as a child, the woman who nursed me, cared for me and helped me get through childhood. She did what she could as well as she could and I will always always love her unconditionally for that.

So now I wait for the next update from my sister who has been managing my mother’s affairs and everything else to do with her primary care and wellbeing for the last few years. I don’t know what I’d be doing without her steady hand. Sydney is only a short plane trip away but my sister assures me the doctors are confident for now that she should come through and be back in the retirement village as soon as possible.

Words...

Yes my mother will die at some time as I will. We don’t know when but that simple fact is inevitable. We all die.
So why is that impending feeling of loss so unsettling? Mum said years ago that she was tired of it all yet her strong constitution defies her body which just keeps pulling her along. I expect that to be what happens now. I expect her to be getting a telegram from the Queen or King Charles or whoever when she reaches 100. She may still break the records for world’s oldest living human being.

I’m scared anyway. She’s my mum after all and now she’s got pneumonia. I’m down here and she’s up there. She’s probably ok. We’ll know more tomorrow.

I love you mum.

PS: It’s the day after and my sister reports mum is looking soooooo much better today than yesterday when she was looking like crap, constantly removing the oxygen mask and pulling out the monitor things. Her amazing nurses report she’s keeping them on their toes. My sister got a bedside phone set up and we rang her this afternoon and I managed some chat between the coughing.

She’s still right in the middle of this and fragile, and her usual confusions are there, but I did get a laugh or two. For me that is a reassuring indicator that I can maybe call the Queen back and re-book that telegram. Wishful thinking? I hope not.

Go mum.

_______________________________

LINKS
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Judy-Taylor-Grief-Healing-Love-Inspiration-Hope-724885690872207/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/JudyTaylor2014
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPGoVDdQ3PG1YLJs4fA3QgA
Join Our Mailing List: http://www.positivesigns.com.au/join-mailing-list.html

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"I hate Mother’s Day", I heard someone say ...

28/4/2016

5 Comments

"I hate Mother’s Day", I heard someone say ...

Mother’s Day is different for everyone. Whether you are a mother or a child your relationship with your own mother is a personal connection like no other.

I know if your child or mother has died then Mother's Day brings out the emotions and can trigger so many different feelings including: "I hate Mother’s Day".

Mother’s Day has definitely changed for me since my mum died. But I have actually changed my perspective and can now say: "I love Mother’s Day". I love it as a mother and I love it as a daughter.

Yes, my own mother is dead so there are no longer physical hugs or physical contact. However, she is ever present with me now. I can go anywhere with her on Mother's Day because everywhere I go I hold a special place for her in my heart.

Just like any other day, I know on Mother’s Day there will be happy and sad feelings which come and go. I will allow them without resistance and embrace them throughout my day.

Now I say: “I give myself permission to feel without judgement”, and that means I no longer have to fear Mother's Day or any other day. I can embrace the moment knowing my mum is with me every step of the way.

Jude xoxoxo