It's the 17th February 2016 and 5 years ago I was preparing for the inevitable. A decision was pending. There was a decision to be made. And a few days later the decision was made to turn off my mum's life support on the 20th February 2011. She died 4 hours later.
Oh, the word ‘death’ ... what does it mean?
It means many things to different people and I have my own answer that has evolved, grown and continues to change over the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years since the words "my mum died" were first uttered.
I have lived through the gut wrenching pain that felt like it will never subside and often held on to this pain with a fierce intention to never let it go. I have discovered that whilst the physical loss is a shocker, the energetic connection between me and my mother lives on forever and feels as real as the physical relationship we had in life.
I have learned that the more I am willing to keep our connection alive the stronger our connection is. The more I am open for her to present in ways I can receive her, the more she presents to me.
Often it is subtle ... It can be a touch on the cheek, a butterfly in the garden, a smell or a taste ... she is with me I know .... I just know.
I have found writing is a wonderful healing tool for me where I give myself permission to express myself freely 'warts and all'. The healing from writing has been profound.
Even more profound is my writing became like a conversation with my mum on the phone and the more I spoke to her through my writing the more she responded to me. Our conversations are evolving in ways I could never have imagined in my wildest dream.
My writing and conversations with my mum are precious and life changing as we journey together.
I share my journey in the hope that there is someone out there who needs to hear my story so they too can find an everlasting connection with their loved one.
I am here for anyone who is willing to begin their journey. Contact me for details.